December 7 2010 we celebrated our 19th anniversary. It was a quiet day. We went to lunch together and spent quality time reflecting upon our relationship. We felt in awe at how our love for each other continues to grow and the joy we feel in being together.
Each anniversary is always another big success for us. We are a part of a small minority of couples who experience such richness and growth in a second marriage.
A key to successful and life long marriage is creating a firm foundation to build upon. the most important part of that foundation is commitment. We made a decision to marry and make a solemn life long commitment to one another, and not just move in together and see how things work out. From the very beginning we set the intention that this relationship was going to be for the rest of our lives.
Up to this point in our lives the most difficult experience we had lived through was the breaking up on our marriages and the pain of divorce. For both of us the pain was severe enough that we knew that we did not ever want to experience it again. When difficulties would arise in our relationship and I felt like just walking away, those old painful memories and hurts would surface . I knew that I did not want to go through another divorce again, and somehow we would get beyond this moment: and we did.
Life is all about choice. We get to decide the thoughts we will think, how those thoughts make us feel, and the actions or behaviours that follow. Because the foundation of our relationship was based on commitment, we chose to look at these difficult situations and each other from a different perspective. Since leaving was not going to be one of our options then what can we do to get through this? We made a decision to work it out together.
It has been an adventure, these past 19 years. It has not always been easy, or fun or loving, but it has definitely been worth it! That is how I felt that day on our anniversary. It has been worth it! For me there is within a feeling of strength and integrity. A belief and understanding’ that when we work together we can overcome all obstacles. It was this quiet, reverent, and wonderful feeling that enveloped me as we sat together in celebration.
I am so grateful for the knowledge we have received in the past 4 – 5 years. The most important part of all was coming to that understanding that I CHOOSE my thoughts. The thoughts I choose to think about determine the results in my life. When I began to think only positive and loving thoughts about my husband, my marriage began to be a reflection of those ideas.
Such a simple yet most powerful concept. Many of us know this, and it really is common sense, yet how often do we actually apply this simple concept in our lives; especially in our marriage.
Become aware of what you are thinking about. What thoughts come across your mind pertaining to your spouse? If any of them are negative in any way, even if you feel justified in thinking them, discard them immediately! How will such thoughts serve you? What we focus on we only get more of. Why do you want more negative behaviours surrounding you. Replace those thoughts with something positive about your spouse, and hold onto that thought until other wonderful positive thoughts appear. None of us are perfect beings, so instead of seeking out our spouses annoying traits, search within your self and find your own. You will find that when you work on your own perfecting your spouse will become more and more perfect to you.
Enjoy your marriage so that with each passing anniversary your love increases and becomes deeper and more fulfilling. Happy Anniversary!