One of the most important steps in our programs is for parents to create a vision of the family they desire to have. If you are already living your dream family life, congratulations! Make sure your vision is written down with daily action steps to keep you on the right track.
If you are not living your dream family life right now then this message is for you.
What is a dream family life? This vision may look different for each family because each family is unique.
Start off looking at what you want your family to be, or in other words what things do you as a couple value? Do you value peace and a state of calm or do you thrive on excitement some chaos and action.
What are the most important things you want your children to learn from you? That may be values like honesty, integrity, responsibility, a good work ethic, loyalty, commitment, compassion, service to others, or how to have fun, how to laugh at our mistakes and learn from them. I am sure cooperation is important in all families, how to live together in a positive way so everyone is happy.
As we were creating the F.U.S.E. at Home program the one thing that kept coming to me over and over was the word valued. I desired that all the little children of the world felt valued in their family. This is very important to me. Children that feel that they are worth it, that they are a precious treasure are children who have a good feeling of self worth and self esteem. They know they are always encouraged in everything they do and what may appear like mistakes are only lessons. A child who is valued is a child who is resilient!
So what do you want your family to be? Brainstorm your answers and imagine each of your children grown and living on their own. What do you want them to look back on, and what do you want them to have learned from you? What kind of adults are they?
Once you have a clearer picture of this vision you can begin to work backwards. Just before they are ready to leave home what do you need to teach them? Before they turn 16 what do you want your children to know? As they become teenagers how are you preparing them for age 16? When they are 8 what will you have taught them by your words and your actions.
How you are teaching your children is every bit as important as to what you are teaching them. When we give our children our undivided attention we are sending a message to them that they matter; that we are interested in what they have to say. If you are not able to focus on them at that moment let them know. Tell them that you are aware that they have something important to share and if they would wait just another 10 minutes you will be able to give them your full attention. Then of course make sure that you are not longer than 10 minutes and that you do give them that attention.
Children are a lot of fun. It's those funny years of silly knock-knock jokes that never made any sense but you laugh along with them that leave a special place in your heart. Their enthusiastic eagerness to do things with you just to be with you, and you feel their adoring admiration for you. Definitely years to treasure!
Respecting who your children are and seeing them as unique individuals in your family is important as well. It is surprising how much we can learn from our children when we stop and listen to them and ask them for their opinions. Allowing them opportunities to make some important decisions and showing your confidence in their abilities will set the example for them to follow when you need them to support your ideas.
What do you want your family to be? This is step one of the process towards a more resilient and F.U.S.E.d family. Have fun together discussing these ideas. As you do, your infinite potential will begin to bring many great ideas into your minds. Write down all the ideas you have and then create a paragraph or two describing what you have discovered; the dream family life you see in your mind.